clear liquor & cloudy eyes.

So here I am bumming in my room at 10 am in the morning, with sounds and visuals of the beginning of an extreme winter. The man outside my window is cleaning up dead leaves, and every five minutes his machine dies and comes back to life again. Dashboard Confessional is not doing a very good job of drowning out the sound despite the vocalist's beautiful voice drenched heavily in nostalgia. Maybe I need to buy speakers for my room. The rustling of dead leaves, which were bright and vibrant just two days ago, is creeping me out to be honest. It makes me think how quickly time flies. My first semester at college is almost over and it seems like I haven't made much progress in the social department despite the fact that I live in the college residence. The academic department doesn't look very bright either, which makes me wonder exactly what the hell I've been doing these past four months. Anyways, that's not why I created this post. Sometimes I feel like I have a very mild case of ADD because of how quickly I change topics.

You ever get that feeling that you get everything except for the ONE THING that you are dying to have?! I get that feeling more often than I probably should. Every time I blow on my birthday candles or make that 11:11 wish, every time I see a shooting star or hear a familiar song, or even just randomly sit there and reminiscence, I only have one wish. Chicago. To those who know me probably know what that is all about, but to others it might just seem like a random obsession to a big city with bright lights and tall buildings. There's just something about that city that intrigues me. And then there's the whole sentimental value of it. It's the reason I would stay up till 12 refreshing a webpage hoping for an email to magically appear, the reason I'd put a song on repeat and listen to it all day. It's the only reason for me to still find meaning in life. I don't think there's any way to escape it, because I've tried every method out there. It's the kind of feeling where my heart starts racing too fast, and tears rush down my cheeks when I get an email as simple as a 'hello' or as random as a 'hardy hard' with no explanation attached. It's the kind of feeling where I literally feel something as delicate as a song stab something inside of me when I hear it, even if I don't remember where I heard it first. That's the kind of sentimental value I attach with Chicago. I don't know where I'm going with this post, but I guess what I'm trying to say is sometimes I wish things were a little bit different. I know I should be thankful for what I have, I am, but I'd honestly give it all up for just one wish. I really could use a magic lamp. But then what bugs me is this one question that throws everything out of proportion. Will it be worth it?

Gone where taken..for now.

-T